I showcase my thorough text revision skills on this page by providing specific changes I made to a research proposal I wrote for my Shakespeare class during my junior year of college. I received feedback from my professor and have grown as a writer, refining my revision skills through intense writing and working at the Mississippi College Writing Center for two years. Explore the alterations I made to my proposal below by hovering over each paragraph or download the annotated proposal and bibliography.
REVISION
Rachel Smith
Dr. Miller
ENG 404
19 October 2021
There were a few inconsistencies in formatting. If MLA is used in this heading,
make sure it is consistently used in citations.
Research Proposal
This title is fairly generic and not explanatory. Even replacing it with "Shakespeare Research Proposal" would narrow it down, but it still remains ambiguous. Try adding something with more of a "pull" for your audience.
I will be researching databases, physical holdings, and internet sources on the Shakespearean Play Much Ado About Nothing for my final project. I plan to base my research from a generic perspective, focusing on Shakespeare’s contemporaries and, in turn, their influences on his literary works. Although there are culture, marital, and social influences that were impressed upon these playwrights—much of this research influenced by historical context—I have still found in my survey of the source material that I have compiled thus far that I can adequately support my topic in genre. I have decidedly chosen “genre” as my lens for this project because, despite outside influences of the time, Shakespeare’s female characters were unparalleled with the typical genre-type, and he even inspires his compeers to follow suit with strong female leads.
Although this is a research proposal, adding a phrase that gives insight into the point behind or cause for the research I did may be a better lead-in than beginning with my source materials. For instance, it may benefit my paper organizationally to address the point and then say I will research further by gathering data from databases, physical holdings, etc.
My proposed and flexible thesis is this: Shakespeare’s portrayal of female leads is used in the definition of what the late 1500s and his contemporaries have molded them to be, however, throughout his works and particularly in Much Ado About Nothing, we see that despite genre normalities, he stimulates questions of what a woman can be rather than should be. Throughout the play, it is arguable to state that the two leading relationships in all of their seeming differences are not so unalike in their unfair treatment of women in the equation of marriage. I propose that Hero’s relationship with Claudio and other surrounding male influences presents a picture of what a woman should be in Shakespeare’s time—defined by the expectations put upon her and her neglect to negotiate those terms. Contrastingly, the relationship between Benedick and Beatrice calls into question just what my thesis aims to discover: does Beatrice defy the normality of what a woman should be by fraternizing, dominating, and falling in love by her own volition, perhaps exemplifying what Shakespeare believes a woman can be?
Although this is a research proposal, adding a phrase that gives insight into the point behind or cause for the research I did may be a better lead-in than beginning with your source materials. For instance, it may benefit my paper organizationally to address the point and then say I will research further by gathering data from databases, physical holdings, etc.
Although this is a research proposal, adding a phrase that gives insight into the point behind or cause for the research I did may be a better lead-in than beginning with your source materials. For instance, it may benefit my paper organizationally to address the point and then say I will research further by gathering data from databases, physical holdings, etc.
My professor's critique of this paper mention that it was too ambitious to try to tackle "contemporaries" of Shakespeare in a general sense, but rather, it would be better to focus on one other playwright for comparative purposes. I mention later on in the paper that Christopher Marlowe would be one of those playwrights, but incorporating that into my thesis would make for a more narrow and attainable topic to handle. Also, noting the complexity of the gender normalities here would be helpful for that narrowness as well. Overall, it may even be better to consider either gender roles or differences between playwrights as to not overcomplicate the project.
I plan to continue my research in terms of my thesis, by examining what a woman can and should be, and this will be evident on the webpage I will create. A website will do justice to my conversation and topic better than an essay could communicate because I plan to construct two separate pages on this website that will clearly show and contrast what a woman should and can be, according to Shakespeare verses the genre of comedy. What a woman should be will be addressed in definitions and supported by sources discussing Shakespeare’s contemporaries—namely and likely, Christopher Marlowe—and a few of his own characters that fit the patriarchal mold. What a woman can be will be explained by examining attributes of Shakespeare’s female characters that defy or negotiate the terms of their surroundings and this page will be supplied with sources that identify the uniqueness of Shakespeare’s strong female leads. I believe that this topic is well-suited for a webpage as much as I am suited for tackling this project with my experience in graphic design and public relations. I aim for this project to be easy to understand for a general audience by informally and formally introducing Shakespeare, his contemporaries, and how the genre of comedy influenced those playwrights.
My professor's critique of this paper mention that it was too ambitious to try to tackle "contemporaries" of Shakespeare in a general sense, but rather, it would be better to focus on one other playwright for comparative purposes. I mention later on in the paper that Christopher Marlowe would be one of those playwrights, but incorporating that into my thesis would make for a more narrow and attainable topic to handle. Also, noting the complexity of the gender normalities here would be helpful for that narrowness as well. Overall, it may even be better to consider either gender roles or differences between playwrights as to not overcomplicate the project.
My professor's critique of this paper mention that it was too ambitious to try to tackle "contemporaries" of Shakespeare in a general sense, but rather, it would be better to focus on one other playwright for comparative purposes. I mention later on in the paper that Christopher Marlowe would be one of those playwrights, but incorporating that into my thesis would make for a more narrow and attainable topic to handle. Also, noting the complexity of the gender normalities here would be helpful for that narrowness as well. Overall, it may even be better to consider either gender roles or differences between playwrights as to not overcomplicate the project.
The second sentence is a little wordy and unclear. Altering it to read something like, "A website will do justice to my conversation and topic better than an essay would be able to communicate to my audience," and ending that will a period would help make the information at hand more understandable. Also, the second part of that sentence comparison is not clear. It should note that what a woman should be is contrasted by what they "can be" as defined by Shakespeare's contributions to the comedic genre. This paragraph does go more in-depth regarding what I plan to do for the gender constructs, but again, it would be beneficial to narrow down a singular contrast to Shakespeare (like Christopher Marlowe) and making that abundantly clear to the reader.
The major point I am seeking to cover are going to be the expectations of the female characters portrayed in plays by terms of the patriarchal ideas in the genre of comedy; this can be best contrasted and considered within the genre, against a singular contemporary of Shakespeare and Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing. I believe I can achieve these points by examining sources that discuss the artistic influence these 1500s playwrights had on one another, pressures of an anti-femisnit society embedded in the genre surrounding the characters, and analysis of where these characters fit in terms of women as daughters, wives, and individuals in these comedic plays.
Distinguishing a "singular contemporary" is a good direction, but that singular contemporary should have a name for readers to identify. The last sentence reads as a bit of a mouthful. Separating these ideas is perfectly congruent for the information at hand. For instance, the mentioning of "an antifeminist society embedded in the genre surrounding the characters" could easily be reduced to "the negative gender constructs of the time." The same is applicable to the rest of the source topics I note that I will aim to examine.
The leading source in my working bibliography is Nancy Bunker’s, “Companionate Marriage: Much Ado about Nothing and No Wit, No Help like a Woman’s”. Her analysis of both of the lead relationships in Much Ado About Nothing has inspired me to contrast not only Shakespeare and his contemporaries, but also, his female characters that may mirror the standard characters that fit into his contemporaries’ works. Another strong influence on my research beginnings was Nathaniel Leondard’s, “Circling the nuptial in as you like it and much ado about nothing. Studies in English Literature, 1500-1900”. Leonard paved the way for some of my main points that I wish to examine and present on my website project including marriage and Shakespeare’s time period that impacted his characters by the ramifications of marriage. His scholarly work also juxtaposes with the work of Bunker in that they both compare female characters across the genre but also, dare to draw conclusions about Shakespeare’s ideas about female characters as he compares the inner works of Shakespeare by analyzing Much Ado About Nothing with As You Like It.
There are a few grammatical and citation issues in this paragraph. The periods should go inside the quotations. "Much Ado About Nothing" should be italicized. The comma after "but also" should be omitted. As far as content-wise, when introducing these sources, it is better to briefly describe their overall argument as it pertains to my own research rather than only addressing how it will help. I go into what Leonard does, but only after using two sentences to discuss its importance to my source; if I am including it here, the reader already knows it is important to my research.
I have chosen Much Ado About Nothing in the context of genre because I find the play, the characters, the themes, and surrounding influences as compelling and collectively something I could grow to be passionate about through my preparation of this final project. But I chose a website for my format because graphic design is a function I am already passionate about and familiar with. I think that this dual area of known and unknown will be a recipe for success for my project in terms of exploration, explanation, and execution. My thesis also reflects my interest in feminist theory, Early Reinassaince marriage, and, Christopher Marlowe is one of my favorite playwrights and I will enjoy comparing him to Shakespeare.
The first sentence reads a little long-winded. Condensing this down to what makes me passionate about it rather than saying it could potentially make me passionate would read better. Also, the "known" and "unknown" dynamic works, but mentioning that I do not know all of the scholarship but want to, or do not know the answers to my research questions yet, would better serve the purposes of this essay.
My organizational tactics for completing this project is this: I will build and
revise my bibliography and, in turn, adjust my thesis statement as I gather newfound information. From there, I plan to create a draft of my website by beginning on a design and format that will reflect my main points and the double page idea I discussed in the above paragraphs. Lastly, I hope to add the information I have accumulated to the website in time for me to allot one-to-two weeks for revisions that will ensure clarity, communication for the general audience, and, of course, achieve my main goal: expressing both my firm knowledge on the conversation, and my immense passion for it.
While the colon is fine, starting the sentence with "I will organize this project by building and revising..." would read more smoothly. Also, changing "From there," to "Next," will help this sentence feel less casual. I would additionally attribute at least a sentence towards the organization of research and how it will fit on the website or be available to viewers. The last sentence is hefty. There should be a period after communication for the general audience and then begin a new sentence with a reiteration of my main goal. Lastly, the bibliography will need to include more sources. All that is currently present are journal articles, but I will need to explore databases, physical holdings, and the internet. It will need to be organized alphabetically and contain more objective criteria for the sources and their authors as well.